You assume the funds is all about boring productiveness measures that have an effect on the financial system?
Mistaken! Studying the funds is like selecting up a rock within the yard and uncovering a thousand bizarre little issues that attempt desperately to crawl again into the darkness.
The enterprise of presidency is just not all sweeping visions, grand statements, Churchill and Chifley. Typically it’s about beagles.
The federal government goes to get some puppies, the funds tells us. It registers an expenditure measure of $12 million for floppy-eared little frolickers (it doesn’t say what number of) that may sleep of their government-owned kennels, poop on government-owned flooring, lick their government-appointed handlers proper on the mouth and someday develop as much as sniff baggage in Australia’s airports.
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If I had been Jim Chalmers I might have made that the funds centrepiece as an alternative of ominous speak of cuts and tax reform — however he’s the skilled I assume.
The puppies would undoubtedly have been a greater PR stunt than the federal government’s miserly pronouncement on showbags. No Bertie Beetle for you, the funds tells us! Funding for the federal government’s agricultural reveals growth program has been unceremoniously dropped, like a toddler’s ice cream from the highest of the Helter Skelter, whereas the agriculture reveals and discipline days funding program has been partly reversed.
Exhibits are within the canine home, however caravan parks? Caravan parks are the place a clever treasurer invests even in a time of nice fiscal self-discipline. Apparently. The federal government has spent a fairly shocking $48 million on a program that features infrastructure investments in caravan parks. If you’re mendacity in your tent, listening to the precise slap-squelch noise made solely by the pension-aged man on his peregrination from brand-new bathe cubicle to caravan, you understand who to thank: Treasurer Jim Chalmers.
However wait, there’s extra!
On line casino Beef Week… will get cash. Whereas that appears like free steaks whilst you play roulette, it’s really considerably extra rural (a farming occasion within the city of On line casino).
Hells Gate… doesn’t get cash. The plan was really not about damnation however a big dam in Queensland that’s not going forward (in all probability wonderful since most of Australia is knee-deep in water by this level).
Seaweed farming… will get cash. Assist for kelp! Nori for all!
Bitcoin traders… don’t get cash. The funds goes out of its solution to whack crypto traders attempting to be sneaky. Bitcoin is just not a overseas foreign money, you intelligent devils. So, no, you may’t have the tax reductions you’d get if it was. And, no, simply because El Salvador has adopted it as a nationwide foreign money doesn’t imply it’s one. El Salvador is as a lot a cryptocurrency hedge fund lately as an actual sovereign entity.
Ukraine… will get particular therapy. All the things from Ukraine is now duty-free! Pickles and vodka all spherical.
So sure, there’s one thing on this funds for everybody. You simply should look beneath the floor.
Are you cheerful to see your tax {dollars} spent on cute puppies and caravan parks? Tell us your ideas by writing to letters@crikey.com.au. Please embody your full identify to be thought of for publication. We reserve the proper to edit for size and readability.
Originally published at Irvine News HQ
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