(CNN) — Ann Patnaude is a soft-spoken White girl with a doctorate in artwork historical past. The 47-year-old lives in Seattle together with her husband of twenty years and their Black lab, Zoe.
Richard Lathan is a Black former gang member and an inmate at a jail in Southern California, the place he’s serving 15 years to life for homicide.
On the floor, the 2 may look like they don’t have anything in frequent.
And but over the previous three years they’ve cast a deep friendship that defies their cultural variations and the jail partitions that separate them.
The pair have by no means met in particular person. However they write letters to one another, speak on the cellphone a number of occasions per week and have seen one another by way of a pandemic and bouts of illness — Lathan’s coronavirus and Patnaude’s struggle with a number of myeloma.
Ann’s husband, John Patnaude, marvels at their shut friendship.
A Marine who hated Muslims went to a mosque to plant a bomb. His meant victims ended up saving his life
By John Blake, CNN
Richard “Mac” McKinney appeared at a mosque one Friday afternoon as a result of he needed to kill Muslims. However mosque members subtle the Marines’ fury with a type of resistance he was not ready to come across.
“I used to be a bit cautious at first.” he says. “However by way of his letters to Ann, I’ve gotten to know Richard, which actually modified my view of the entire state of affairs. His letters mirror somebody who’s fully totally different from the particular person he was when he first went to jail.”
Richard has been behind bars for 31 years — most of his grownup life, and most of it at California’s infamous San Quentin State Jail. He admits he dedicated a whole lot of crimes as a gang member, however maintains he has by no means killed anybody and was wrongly convicted of homicide.
He bought a glimmer of hope final 12 months when he discovered a former police detective concerned in his case is below overview over doable misconduct for allegedly utilizing the n-word to explain suspects — a bombshell that might doubtlessly win him a brand new trial. Richard was just lately transferred to the California Establishment for Males in Chino as he awaits a parole listening to in November.
Their paths would seemingly have by no means crossed if Ann hadn’t heard Richard interviewed 5 years in the past this month on a podcast. On the time she volunteered at a hospital, offering companionship to terminally in poor health sufferers.
That is the story, in their very own phrases, of two folks from totally different worlds introduced collectively by compassion, curiosity and a need to attach. Richard’s account got here from quite a few cellphone calls with CNN from jail. Their phrases have been edited for size and readability.
ANN PATNAUDE: In October 2017, I used to be listening to a podcast about jail life. Richard got here on to speak about his work as a volunteer with the gold coats, a form of jail nurse’s aide. He shared how his work entails serving to sick individuals who must go to the infirmary. Or if somebody’s had an accident or wants assist altering a colostomy bag or something like that, he’s proper there to assist. He spoke with such ardour, empathy and compassion about what he did. For no matter cause, that story stayed with me for some time. I wrote him a letter and and sat on it for months as a result of I did not know the way to attain out. I am a stranger and it felt a bit bit like fan mail. I lastly mailed it in August 2019.
Pricey Mr. Lathan,
I heard your story … and needed to contact you. I used to be moved deeply by your work as a gold coat. It takes a compassionate character to care for individuals who are in poor health, and I associated to your story as a result of I volunteer at an area hospital in Seattle …
RICHARD LATHAN: I used to be shocked once I bought the letter. I am 53 — I have been in jail since I used to be 21. By no means in my wildest goals did I believe anybody can be fascinated about my life or my work. I wrote again, however I didn’t anticipate to get a response.
Pricey Ms. Patnaude,
I’ve learn your letter a number of occasions over and sure, I cried as a result of it feels so good to get acknowledged for the nice issues that I do. Your letter is so stunning. I’ve proven it to fairly just a few folks ….
ANN: On the hospital, generally I might sit with sufferers who have been dying and needed companionship however did not essentially have somebody to be with them. With each of us volunteering in these capacities, I felt like we may join over that. Within the podcast, Richard mentioned he felt like he’d taken a lot in life and this was his manner of giving again. And I mentioned, you already know, I hope that you could find true compassion and forgiveness for your self. And that struck up a dialog. One of many issues I really like about him is he is very emotional, he is OK to cry … I name him a giant softie. He was simply prepared to precise himself and be open. And we simply began speaking by way of letters.
Pricey Mr. Lathan,
Could I name you Richard? I used to be shocked and delighted by your letter. You might hear this usually, however your handwriting is so pretty. After I first noticed the envelope within the mail, I assumed I used to be being invited to a elaborate celebration. 
However, even higher, it was a letter from you … Little did I do know, I used to be being invited into a beautiful friendship.
RICHARD: Each time I wrote again, I didn’t anticipate to get a response. On the time, my work as a gold coat concerned stuff reminiscent of cleansing up blood, crime scenes, serving to aged folks care for his or her scabs, eradicating lice, every little thing. Our jobs have been totally different however comparable. However I stored asking myself, I am I worthy of getting a good friend like her? By no means. As a result of I am a person in jail that she did not know. I am a felony. I used to be shocked that she stored writing. At first, I did not know the way to reply … however I attempted to reply throughout the boundaries of respect. The identical compassion she confirmed me, I attempted to point out it to her.
Pricey Ms. Patnaude,
Sure, you could name me Richard. I’m so completely happy that my letter has caught you in temper. You might be very a lot invited to a elaborate celebration so long as you might be smiling and having time … Sorry it took so lengthy for me to reply. Please proceed to jot down.
ANN: Richard is a phenomenal author. He has a extremely excessive emotional intelligence and he is not afraid to precise his gratitude. Or when he talks concerning the work he does as a gold coat, he’ll say extraordinary issues like being of service to folks is what makes his life value residing. Once we began attending to know one another, I’d ask him questions like, what’s your favourite film? Or, what sort of music do you hearken to? And what do you do together with your time while you’re not serving to folks?
Then we determined to start out speaking on the cellphone. I arrange a pay as you go cellphone for that — you place cash in your cellphone by way of this technique and then you definitely give him your quantity and when he calls, I pay for the calls that I obtain from him. These are all issues I’ve needed to study. It is so irritating as a result of for those who miss a name, you’ll be able to’t simply textual content or say, I will name you proper again. I’ve a particular ring for his calls — a ringtone referred to as Sencha. Typically, you undergo lengthy intervals the place you have not heard something. It may be anxious since you really feel involved to your good friend.
Pricey Mr. Lathan,
Could I ask you a query? You don’t have to reply. I am curious, understanding what you already know now, what recommendation would you give your youthful self? Forgive me if that’s too private. Please don’t really feel obligated to reply.
RICHARD: The easiest way I can describe getting her letters and speaking to her on the cellphone is like being a fats child in a sweet retailer. We have talked about every little thing … what music I hearken to on my CD participant — Luther Vandross, Andrea Bocelli — one thing soothing, somber, nothing with racial undertones. We talked about films, like “The Preacher’s Spouse” with my favourite actor, Denzel Washington.
My journalism and screenwriting lessons, public talking, my poetry. We even speak about well being points — my seizures and nervousness, which I take medicine for. She additionally advised me that she was coping with a number of myeloma. I seemed it up within the library and noticed it is some type of most cancers. I am getting emotional now simply speaking about it. I want I can deliver her peace. I want I may help her in some type of manner. One time she was sick and I could not attain her. I cried that day, I could not fall asleep.
Pricey Ms. Patnaude,
You’ll be able to ask me any query that you really want and I’ll reply them, all of them. … Realizing what I do know now, the recommendation that I’d give to my youthful self is to at all times ask questions on manhood, womanhood, life … as a result of your perception system will always change. Additionally go to somebody that you just imagine actually has your greatest curiosity at coronary heart.
ANN: We have had conversations about relationship, and the way he ought to deal with ladies. Race within the US. We have talked about White area, White energy, White supremacy, White privilege, White silence, what it means to be a Black man in America. Who has entry to issues and who would not. We’ve mentioned anti-Asian racism and violence. What stands out for me in all of those conversations is Richard’s empathy. He has a capability to see how all sides are interconnected and that we actually want each other. Richard has a deep need for fact and reconciliation, desirous to know once we can get to some extent in society the place we will cease harming one another. Richard additionally has a need to be the change he needs to see on the earth, and believes that change begins with the self.
RICHARD: I ask her questions on ladies, as a result of I used to be by no means taught the way to be a person. I used to suppose being with a girl was the commencement of manhood — it took jail for me to know that is not true. She’s taught me as our friendship moved ahead that it has nothing to do with that. I did not know her race once we began exchanging letters. I didn’t know that she was White till months later, when she despatched me a photograph of her household. By then it was too late — we have been already buddies. However that is by no means been a difficulty. The colour traces could also be drawn exterior, however that stuff isn’t in the best way. I am unable to fathom not being her good friend over that.
Pricey Ann,
We could have our variations due to what we’ve got inherited from our ancestors … however we as people do not have to stick to the sickness that splits our souls dramatically with out understanding why. Coloration can’t be the one cause for our division.
ANN: One of many issues I’ve at all times appreciated about our friendship is his realness. I like that he is prepared to be open and weak and trustworthy. Once we’re on the surface in society and tradition … we’re not at all times like that with one another.
RICHARD: I had no thought {that a} stranger would grow to be like a mom determine to me. She has an unbelievable braveness about her. At occasions, she had me crying that an individual like me would have this sort of friendship. I grew up on the streets. My mom kicked me out once I was 17. I advised myself, if my mom would not care about me and I do not see my father, why ought to I care about anybody else? I grew up preventing the world … my coronary heart was frozen. I did not perceive something past survival, shootouts, medicine, smoking weed, robbing and issues of that nature. And the extra we talked, I may really feel the onion peel, my coronary heart opening, the ice beginning to soften.
In my thoughts, I assumed I might should battle the world on my own. And he or she gave me this reward. It’s extremely astonishing, this friendship. I do not know what I did to deserve it.
I pray for her each single day. She selected to be my good friend, with no clauses. That is unconditional love. She doesn’t take a look at me as a prisoner. Or somebody who was within the gang. She seems to be at me like a human being. My mom died whereas I used to be in jail. I really feel like Ann’s son from a distinct life. I’ve by no means had buddies like her. That is what I’ve been on the lookout for my entire life, that is what I wanted. And I haven’t got to battle for it like in my previous life.
ANN: John is equally as invested on this friendship. Typically, my ringtone will go off, and my husband and I’ll each rush to the cellphone so we do not miss the decision. If Richard would not talk for some time, generally John will say, have you ever heard from him just lately? Throughout soccer season Richard will ask, who’s John rooting for proper now? And when Richard writes, he at all times says give John and Zoe huge hugs.
RICHARD: John and Ann — I do not see my life with out them. They’ve grow to be my household. They took me as I’m. No ifs, buts, you gotta change this. They see me for who I’m. Typically I ask Ann to inform me if I am I butting in. I do not wish to disrespect her or John as a result of she is married. And she’s going to inform me if I used to be butting in, she wouldn’t reply the cellphone.
I’ve by no means had this type of friendship. I did not belief no person, I did not know the way to. I lived on the streets of LA, slept on a crate. I offered medicine. Heroin, crack, weed. It is taken some time to get right here. Self-help lessons, a few of which have turned out to be remedy lessons. By the point you allow the category you are both crying or strolling together with your head up. You are in there with complete strangers. The one factor you will have in frequent is you dedicated the identical crime otherwise you’re in jail. By way of all of the work, I am studying to forgive myself and confide in others. I am studying to say sorry.
ANN: Richard has taught me what it means to have grace and equanimity regardless of the circumstances. He has taught me what it seems to be wish to face every day, every hardship, every setback, with good humor, dignity and honesty. He has proven me that there’s power in vulnerability. He tells me when he was a younger man, he was a really indignant particular person. And the way he is overcome that in himself and would not let that take up area in his mind. And he has this fashion of transferring by way of the world and seeing the world that I actually admire. He provides me such a perspective of inside, exterior, male, feminine, Black, White.
RICHARD: Our friendship has taught me the way to floor myself. How you can be balanced. How you can have braveness. How you can communicate with manners, as an alternative of being an … excuse my French … a-hole. She has a motherly manner that is sturdy however straightforward, and it provides me a whole lot of confidence. She’ll let me know that one thing ain’t proper and I ought to attempt to method it differently. I by no means discovered easy issues like manners, or ladies and relationship, earlier than I got here to jail. I can ask her something, and she’s going to reply it in one of the simplest ways she will.
I by no means killed anybody. However generally I really feel like they threw me in jail to pay for all the opposite issues that I did. Ann as soon as requested me if I’ve forgiven myself. That query blew me away. I made a promise to myself that I’d by no means go away jail the best way I got here — indignant, outlandish, defiant. As soon as you determine forgiveness, every little thing else comes from the center.
Originally published at Irvine News HQ
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